Don’t Be Misunderstood – Make Communication Work for You

SDC11306 truss's island, river thames, staines 2011


Effective Communication Coaching

The swan in the picture above has given up, no-one is listening to him, they don’t understand, does anyone even speak the same language? Sound familiar?
Learning to be more aware of the language patterns you use, and learning to really listen to the language patterns of others, is the first step to effective communication. Getting your point of view across, being listened to and understood, and avoiding misunderstanding what others are trying to communicate to you, can make a huge difference to your daily life and your relationships with family, friends and colleagues. To begin changing your world with life coaching, book a free consultation by emailing me at


Believe in Yourself – Get Confident!


Have you noticed those people who always seem to have confidence in themselves? They don’t seem to worry whether they can achieve something, or whether they will fail, they don’t put themselves down or voice any doubts about themselves or their abilities. Why would they? They know that they can do it, the know they will succeed, they don’t wonder whether or not people will like them or whether they will look foolish and be criticized. They know how to take compliments, of course they do – why would they expect anything less, they believe in themselves so they expect others to as well.

Learn to change the way you view yourself and focus on positive self talk rather than negative self talk and criticism. Learn to respond and react differently to doubts and setbacks so that you don’t blame yourself for mistakes. Get confident, believe in yourself, and others will too.
Self esteem and self confidence issues can affect so many aspects of your life, contact me to find out how to overcome them and change your point of view.

Life Coaching Articles – gratitude and positive thinking

Follow the link for some great advice on gratitude and positive thinking.

10 Everyday Activities to Help Clear Your Mind and Regain Focus


Sometimes there just seems to be so much going on in your head that you start to feel pressurized and you can’t think straight. Things you need to do, stuff to remember, task to complete, demands on your time and attention, or worries and problems. You can’t possibly expect to create solutions or achieve successful outcomes in all this chaos, so it’s time to take a step away, take some time out, and start again with more clarity.

How can I take time out when there’s so much to do? You might ask. I don’t have time to relax or meditate. Maybe not – so make your tasks part of the time out.  The following activities are examples of things you could immerse yourself in for a while and give your mind a chance to re-organise and re-order itself.

1. Gardening – Potting plants, cutting grass, snipping and pruning, watering. Nurturing is good for you.

2. Ironing – Personally, not one of my favourite chores, it but it’s amazing how it can calm the mind.

3.  Housework – Polishing, vacuuming, sweeping and mopping. None of these are mentally challenging at all. Give your mind a rest.

4.  Walking the dog – An essential part of pet care and great exercise for both of you. Time with your pet and his simple outlook on life is a great way to get things in perspective.

5.  Painting/decorating – You can absorb yourself in this for hours while your mind takes a break. The satisfaction of a job well done is great too.

6.  Get out in nature –  Walk in the park and feed the ducks, stroll through the woods and listen to the birdsong. The healing properties of nature are amazing.

7.  Exercise – As a very unsporty person I struggle with this one, but a walk or swim is always good. I have a friend who swears that when she goes out for a run she comes back a different woman.  If you actively take part in a sport then you will already know how it focuses your mind.

8.  Be creative – Draw, paint, knit, sew, write a poem. If you don’t have any creative projects to do then just have a play around with fabrics or pencils. There are loads of tutorials on the internet. Give something a try.

9. Read – Find somewhere quiet where you won’t be interrupted and settle down with a great book.

10. Bake a cake/Make cookies – An extension of being creative, baking is another activity you can really get absorbed in to. Enjoying the end product is great too.

After a few hours or taking some time out you may feel relaxed, you may feel motivated, you may feel pleased with your achievements (ironing/decorating all finished, delicious cake made), and if your concerns, pressures and worries haven’t gone away, then you will definitely feel much more able to deal with them.

I love to hear about your experiences, so please share them with me. Comments welcome below or email



Get positive – start by being grateful


Being positive can be really hard when you feel like everything is going wrong or it’s ‘one thing after another’. If you can just manage one small positive act or thought then it really can begin to change how you feel, and each positive thought makes the next one just that little bit easier.

People facing huge crises in their lives will or course find it much more difficult, and understandably so, but all of us feel like everything is stacked against us from time to time, or have days where you just think ‘what’s the point’. You may even just be having ‘one of those days’.

The best way is to start small and be grateful for the small positive things in your day. The train was one time – yay! It didn’t rain while I walked the dog – yay! That headache I had when I went to bed has gone – yay! If you are really scratching around for things to be grateful for, then just be glad nothing has gone wrong this morning, or be glad there was enough milk for your coffee. Be grateful for your safe home, or that your children are healthy, or that you haven’t got a horrible next door neighbour. If you look hard enough you can find something to be grateful for or to be happy about. In fact you can probably find quite a lot once you really think about it.

Once you have your positive thoughts and your ‘attitude of gratitude’, focus on it for a while. Be fully aware of how these positive things make you feel, enjoy experiencing gratitude and pleasure. Do this for a while and the positivity will increase, and you will most likely notice more positive experiences because now you will be tuned into them, and not into feeling dissatisfied, stressed or miserable. The more positive energy and thoughts you create, the more you will experience. This is a very general version of how the law of attraction works on it’s most basic level, but it’s also the way that changing your outlook and how you chose to view certain situations and respond to them can change your perception, feelings and behaviour.

Try it for yourself. I would love to hear about your first positive thought to get you started, or what you chose to be grateful about. However small, those first steps are the most important so please share them. Tweet me on @ruthlrandall or post below or on the Unfold Your Wings Facebook page at

Have a great and happy day

Ruth x

12 Steps to Goal Setting


Here is some guidance from the forthcoming book. Of course, these are quite general and you will need to apply the principles to your own specific goals, with emphasis on some elements more than others depending on the individual.

1. Always set your goal in the positive – People tell me this one seems too simple but it is really important. You will find it much easier to focus on something positive rather than a negative thing that you want to leave behind. For example ‘Having a great new career’ is far more appealing for your mind to focus on than ‘leaving this dreadful job’. Similarly ‘being slimmer’ is a much more satisfying and easier to work towards than ‘giving up fattening food’. Very basic examples but you get the idea.

2.  Be specific – It’s virtually impossible to work towards something when you don’t know exactly what it is. Be clear in what you want to achieve, whether it’s personal development, career, or emotional development. Include all the details in your goal setting and spend quality time with your goal, imagining how it will feel to be in that situation. Really feel it, imagine the sights, sounds and smells. Be there, in your goal.  The more energy you give to envisaging your goal, the stronger it will become and the more likely you are to fully focus on achieving it.

3. Be able to initiate action yourself – This is your goal and you need to be able to at least start on the journey yourself. What skills, situations or opportunities do you have right now that will enable you to get started? For example, if it’s career based, what training, skills and experience do you already have? If you don’t yet have what you need yet then you must be able to seek out and access the training you need to continue. Just making those first enquiries is a step towards your goal.

4.  Be aware of the wider effects of your goal – Some therapists and coaches call this the ecology. How will the achievement of your goal affects other elements of your life and those close to you. For example if your goal involves you moving to a new area, how does this affect say, your children’s education, or the frequency with which you will get to see friends and family. Be aware of these global effects.

5.  Small steps/steady progress – Your goal may seem overwhelming at times, especially if it involves making big changes in your life. When setting your goal, don’t get overwhelmed by the outcome, look at each small step that you will take to get there and tackle them one at a time. This way you can look back at each step as you have achieved it and delight in your progress.

6.  Pause occasionally – Especially if you feel like you are getting stuck. As in step 5 above, if you approach your goal one step at a time you can stop occasionally and look at how far you’ve come. Not only will this motivate you as you delight in your successes, it gives you the opportunity to look at the path ahead and maybe tweak some of the steps a little, drawing on your experience. If you are feeling particularly stuck this is an ideal time to really take a break from working towards your goal and give yourself a chance to enjoy life right now. Inspiration comes from the most unlikely places at times and this may be just what you need to spur you into action again.

7.  Acknowledge what holds you back – Procrastination problems? Fear of failure or rejection? Worried you’ll end up looking stupid? Lack of confidence in your own abilities? Doubting whether this is the right move for you? These are just some of the things that may be holding you back from going for your goals, or may have stopped you from doing so already. Most of these barriers stem from fear. Don’t focus too much on these fears, it just gives them more energy to interfere and hold you back. But do acknowledge them so that you can look at them objectively (you may need support from a therapist or coach to do this, but then that can be your first step) and then get past them and move on.

8.  Defend you goal against the doubts and fears of others – You may find it safer to keep your goals to yourself for a while, as much as possible. Guard your desires against the negative views and fears of other people. For example, you may let your precious goal out into the daylight only to have it criticised by someone who thinks that you can’t achieve it, or you’re being unrealistic, or whatever number of reasons people may come up with, intentionally or otherwise. Remember they are only voicing their own doubts or opinions. Don’t mistake this with feedback though. If you have sought the advice or opinion of someone who really does know what they are talking about and not just expressing their own views or doubts based on their negative beliefs, then their feedback can be valuable and can help you make changes to your path towards your goal.


9.  Measurable progress – Do set targets for each step towards your goal, Being able to measure your progress is an essential part of working towards your outcome. If something isn’t working as expected then don’t waste any more valuable time on it. Change it.

10. Resources. What do you have already? – Look at what you want to achieve, whether it’s changing an unwanted behaviour, embarking on a new career or some other life change. Chances are that you already have some of the tools you need to get there. Assessing what you already have can make it feel like you are making progress from the outset, and help you to set those mini-goals to get you there.

11. Be clear why you want this – Be honest with yourself, why do you want this? For example do you want this new career because you think it will make you rich? If so then your focus may not be the career itself because you will love doing it everyday, but instead you want the lifestyle that you imagine goes with it. Knowing this may mean that you need to completely re-asses what is your actual goal. Do you want to lose weight because you want to be healthier and fitter and feel more confident? Or because you think it will make you more attractive to prospective partners? Spend time identifying the reasons behind you desires.

12.  Don’t lose faith – Turn problems along the way into solutions or opportunities. Again you may need some support to do this as it can be easy to get despondent when things don’t seem to be working out as you had hoped. If one way doesn’t work, be glad you can eliminate it from the process and try something else. Focus on it only long enough to establish why it didn’t work, and learn from it. Identify the elements that have worked and build on them.

You can achieve anything!


Ruth x

Wise words

Birds of sorrow?


So, you can’t always prevent negative things from happening,  but you do have a choice how you respond or react, and how you let things affect you.