Change How You Respond

Think about how you respond to things that happen because this way you have the power over how you feel and what you experience, don’t give that power away to someone or something else.

I’ve talked about this before I know, but it is a really important thing to remember. You may not be able to change events that happen or situations that you find yourself in, and you can’t help the things that other people do, but you can take control of how you respond or react. This is what makes the difference to your experience.

A perfect example of this happened today. I received a distressed and irate  telephone call from a man who had just experienced a disagreement with this driver on his bus to work. The situation was quite minor intially, the driver refused to accept a bank note which had a slight tear in it. The man had no other cash with him and had begun to argue with the driver that the note should be accepted as it was only slightly damaged and not in any significant area of the note, so was still legal tender. The driver was adamant and would not allow the man onto the bus, and left. The impact of this was that the man felt very frustrated and angry, for several reasons, he had not been able to get the driver to see his point of view, he would now have to go to the bank and then get a later bus, he would be late for work, and start the day by having to call his employer and apologise for this lateness, and accept whatever consequences this would bring.  He decided that his day had taken a downward turn right from the start and he faced further delays and aggravation, so in sheer frustration he decided to go home.

It was at this point where he realised he needed some direction, that I received the telephone call. We discussed that he was unable to change the circumstances he found himself in, whether the driver was justified or not was no longer important, as it couldn’t be changed. But this was the main source of his frustration as he felt the driver was wrong and had caused him lots of problems. We had to accept this had happened and then decide how to respond. If he responded as his immediate reaction, to get angry and go home frustrated, he would have to telephone his boss and make an excuse not to go in to work. This would affect the rest of his staff team, his work record and result in him losing a days wages. The alternative, which was much harder for him to do, was to accept what happened, realise that staying angry with the driver was just storing the negative energy and preventing him moving on. He needed to telephone his boss, apologise for being late but promising to be on the next available bus.  In his frustration though, he just wanted to write off the rest of the day.

I asked him to think of a days wages and what this meant to him in real terms. Several days food shopping for the family? The electricity bill paid for this month? His mobile phone bill? Clothes for himself or the children? As all of his anger and frustration was directed at the bus driver I asked him whether he would be prepared to hand a days wages, in cash, to the driver. Obviously he wasn’t. I then asked him whether he was prepared to give the driver the power to take away his days wages, preventing him from paying for whatever he would have spent it on. He wasn’t prepared to allow the driver (as he saw it, although really it was the whole situation that had occured) to have this much control, and when it was put to him this way he felt able to respond in a more useful way. He was still frustrated with the situation, and understandably so, it’s not a great start to the day, but he was then able to take positive steps to resolve it.

So, next time you find yourself reacting to a situation or person in a way that isn’t useful to you, make a conscious effort to stop and rethink the response and make it a more positive outcome for you.

Please feel free to share your experiences of this in the comments.

Ruth

 

A Double Dose of Daily Kindness

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In the new year I will be running a campaign to get positive energy flowing around the world, starting with daily acts of kindness.

There is a difference between this and the usual pay it forward, good deed for the day or random acts of kindness you may have heard about previously. This time we are going to be spreading the love by doing TWO kind or positive things everyday, but, and here’s the difference, one of them has to be a kindness to you. Yes, a gift of kindness from you – to yourself.

I’m not suggesting selfishness, but often we are hard on ourselves, or set our expectations of ourselves too high, pit too much pressure on ourselves, put ourselves down, punish ourselves harshly for mistakes, criticise ourselves, neglect our needs, or generally treat ourselves in a way that we would never do to someone else. So don’t just share your kindness with others, treat yourself well too and you will feel much more inspired to pass it on.

So, as well as a kind word, act or positive gesture given to someone else, you must make an effort to do this for yourself too, every day, for the whole year. Think you can do that? Just imagine how great it’s going to feel with all that positive energy flowing around with everyone feeling valued.

In fact I’m so excited about this campaign that I don’t want to wait for New Year, so let’s get practising now so that by January it will have become second nature. Who doesn’t need a bit of a boost in January. Even small acts, like paying someone a compliment or allowing yourself a ten minute break to put your feet up with a cuppa after a busy day, it all helps.

To get involved just follow this blog, like and share the Unfold Your Wings Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @ruthlrandall. Fill the Facebook page or Twitter feed with examples of your Double Dose of Daily Kindness and inspire others to do the same by sharing the posts. Lets make this big so we can get everyone feeling great. Keep checking back here or on the Facebook Page and Twitter to see what other people are doing and get some inspiration for how you can make a difference every day.

Choose how you respond – take back control

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You can’t control what others say or do,  but you can choose how you respond to it. Instead of getting angry, or upset, choose a different response. Take control of your responses and choose how you feel.

Three Top Tips for a Positive Day

Three Top Tips for a Positive Day

1. Start by being grateful – Appreciate every little thing (sunshine, the train being on time, a hug from your partner). Recognising even the smallest positive things around you will change your whole outlook.

2. Share the positive vibes – Be nice to people, it’s as simple as that. Smile at people you pass, compliment colleagues and friends. Spread the positivity around.

3. Don’t get upset or angry about the small stuff – Think how much energy you waste moaning about an inconsiderate driver. Don’t let them encroach on your positive mood. Save your energy for the things that matter. Think about the language you use and if you catch yourself using any negative language or complaining, stop and turn it into something more productive.

Creating a positive life is essential for your wellbeing. I can help you with this, but imagine if everyone around you was more positive too. What a pleasant environment we could create. Please share these tips and follow the blog, and lets share our positivity.

Three Top Confidence Boosters

ruthlrandall:

Three Top Confidence Boosters

Originally posted on Ruth L Randall:

1. Never self criticise – Not even as a joke, or quietly just to yourself. Never say a harsh, critical word about yourself, undermine yourself, or say anything unkind, mean or hurtful. Treat yourself with kindness and respect at all times.

2. Do the things that make you feel good – wear the clothes you feel good in, spend time with people who make you feel good, and do the things you enjoy. Surrounding yourself with positive energy and experiences will help you feel happy, secure and confident.

3. Use affirmations to remind yourself of your strengths, positive qualities and achievements.

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Three Top Tips for Achieving Your Goals

1. Be clear on exactly what the goals are, and pay attention to the details. Vague goal setting will produce vague results.

2. Always state your goals in the positive. What is it you want to achieve. Focus on what you want to have, not what you want to leave behind. For example, think of your ideal size or weight, not what you want to lose. Or concentrate on your ideal job, not on leaving your current one.

3. Break your goal down into manageable steps so you don’t become overwhelmed or discouraged. If one step doesn’t go as planned, just rethink this stage of the process. It doesn’t mean you should give up on your goal.

No excuse for procrastinating. Start NOW!

Rapid Change Coaching Session – Toddler Tamer **FREE OFFER**

Do you feel like your toddler is running your household? Stressed and exhausted by your toddlers behaviour? Struggling to cope when your little angel turns into a little devil? Tired of tantrums?

Your toddler is constantly testing boundaries, it’s natural, but it can be hard to cope and find the best ways to deal with challenges without feeling like all you do is tell them off.

After this session you will:

- Have a clear vision of the positive behaviour you expect from your toddler;
– Uncover challenges that sabotage your efforts to manage and improve your toddler’s behaviour;
– Feel confident that you can be the kind of parent who inspires positive behaviour.

I can only offer this as a free session to a limited number of applicants, so to claim a free 30 minute session all you have to do is email me at unfoldyourwings@outlook.com quoting Toddler Tamer offer and giving your answers to the following questions:

1. Which of your toddler’s behaviours do you find most challenging?
2. One a scale of 1-10 how much would you say this is impacting family life?
3. What is the most important thing to you about improving your toddler’s behaviour?(eg less battles at home, less stressful going out to public places, more positive relationship)

Don’t forget to include your name and where you are in the world (for time zones) so I can get in touch to schedule your appointment.

After this please like and share the Unfold Your Wings Facebook page so that even if you are one of the lucky early responders this time, then you can still hear about future offers and view free advice and tips from Unfold Your Wings on Facebook, and you can help your friends by sharing all this great advice with them too. You may also like to follow the blog on the Unfold Your Wings Website.

Looking forward to working with you

Ruth

Relationship Rescue Coaching Session Offer (FREE!)

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Free Relationship Rescue Coaching Session
Hot Limited Offer

Are you having issues in your relationship? Are things not what they used to be? Don’t feel like you have much in common anymore? Worried what the future holds for you and your partner as a couple?

If so then solutions may be closer than you think. They key is effective communication and clear expectations for the relationship. How great would it be to enjoy each others company as much as you used to and to recover the old magic?

For a limited time I am offering a completely free, one to one telephone coaching session just for you. It’s called Relationship Rescue, and during this session we will work together to:

Create a clear vision of the happy relationship you want
Uncover the challenges that are putting a strain on your relationship
Leave you feeling inspired to work on your relationship and make it the partnership of your dreams

I can only offer this as a free session to a limited number of applicants, so to claim a free 30 minute session all you have to do is email me at unfoldyourwings@outlook.com quoting Relationship Rescue offer and giving your answers to the following questions:

1. How long have you been in your relationship?
2. One a scale of 1-10 how important is it to you to save this relationship?
3. What are the biggest challenges your relationship is currently facing?

Don’t forget to include your name and where you are in the world (for time zones) so I can get in touch to schedule your appointment.

After this please like and share the Unfold Your Wings Facebook page so that even if you are one of the lucky early responders this time, then you can still hear about future offers and view free advice and tips from Unfold Your Wings on Facebook, and you can help your friends by sharing all this great advice with them too. You may also like to follow this blog too.

Looking forward to working with you

Ruth